So this one character was never there ! While I was growing up to be a “Woman of Doubts”, while I was creating a mirage of my own very unknowingly, this one character then stayed in a random parallel world and saw me from a distance !
Out of all the times, he chose to step in my life in this phase.
Now that I have seen my own handpicked characters taking abrupt turns and doing all that was never expected from them, I believe I was way too naive to pick the characters of my story ! Having seen all of them I think they were not meant to be in my story.
It’s true that I have lost faith in everyone and I also don’t expect things to turn out the way I want or to be precise, I don’t keep expectations from people in general. That’s because I think expectations leads to betrayals. People never betray you, your own expectations does. But is it possible to come close to someone without expecting something ? Can we be so selfless ?? Selflessness is a very bookish term that exists only in the dictionary and in some old romantic novels. It has lost its physical existence in the current scenario.
Now that I have finally decided to move on from the useless lamentings about the betrayals of some old characters, I have bumped into this new face which is actually very old.
However, I’m still in a fix ! Being in the hurricane of my own emotions and getting drenched in my own blood, my apprehensions grew along with my distrust in people. Even after knowing that this new face is worthy enough, I am still in a haze about how much to give him and how much to keep for myself ! How much do I save and how much should I let go ? How much to remember and how much to forget !
I don’t know how long is this face going to stay with me. Whenever you come across a new face you feel would be an important part of your story, you somehow tend to believe that the character is going to stay forever but that’s never the case.
I know at this turn of my journey I need this hand which is right in front of me. It’s not even about “need”, instead it’s about Love ! A very overrated emotion which is usually understood in the wrong light. Love for me is comfort. So you can wear heels for a party but you can’t sleep comfortably in them. When it comes to being comfortable and being at home, you lure for your comfy pyjamas, loose T-shirts and a soft and cozy bed. That’s where you lay your stressful day and gain energy to work another morning with the same zeal and enthusiasm. Similarly, Love does not mean embellishments in any way. If you can’t be comfortable, you can NEVER be in Love !
And yes, after a point in life, you realise that you need that comfort. It becomes difficult to deny it especially when it is the one to knock at your door ! Well sometimes, it’s also not so easy to open the door.
A thousand considerations, a million apprehensions and a long list of fears just don’t allow you to do what you actually want from the core of your heart.
Today, I live and enjoy being comfortable but I am too scarred and too scared to even think of accepting it for a lifetime ! Perhaps, commitments scare me. They sound really good but in reality, they can be haunting.
What if all of my ‘what ifs’ turn out to be true ?
In this journey of being everything and then nothing for someone, I have lost the strength of saying Yes ! After all, I am a woman of so many doubts !