The World is giving me reasons these days to feel happy about the fact that I am not like them. It is actually giving me reasons to stay away from people by staying confined within the boundaries of “me” and come out only if it’s necessary.
It is life only, which is giving me reasons to be selfish.
My Dad always said, “Never be so selfish dear, that you don’t see the distress of others. Look up to others before you look up to yourself”.
And He said this when I was too young to even decipher his words. I knew only one thing at that point of time, that he would fulfill all of my wishes bowing his head down to me. Yesss ! I was one of that kind.
But today, when I compare these two scenarios, I can feel how much of what papa told me could be implemented today. And I find nothing.
So when l rewind some ten years of my life, I realise we have come a really long way. I just wonder who is wrong …
I find multiple answers and all of them deny each other. Standing in the middle of haze and confusions, I try to figure out things before it’s too late. And it happens because nowadays, we have arguments for everything but no solutions …
I wonder how Papa found it so easy to say this. Because now when I did what he asked me to, I came back with bruises and marks which are so weary that they flaunt their own presence.
The taste of it is in my mouth, the bitterness in my eyes and the colour on my face. It is almost impossible to Look ahead when you know how much you have lost in those bruises.
I find complete desertion, of me from everybody around.
It seems like the world is one of their kind and I am different peice of chunk.
I really want to ask whether I alone come across situations where I feel “What have I done ???” Or does everybody go through this phase of being a culprit when they don’t even know what they have done …
Well, I conceived alot of the “World” in me in the last couple of years and I feel it’s enough.
There’s so much of this “world” in me that I cannot breathe. I need space … I need time but I don’t need people.
I owe a lot to these bookmarked Uncertainties, the dissimilar reactions and Unwinding of the faces which looked clean, for it is only because of them I got this miraculous transformation from a “Woman of Doubts” to a “Woman of Conviction”.