“That day” spreads its wings in my mind as I think about you today. We had had a life without each other and now when I think about dying, you’re the only person that comes to my mind. I walk these streets alone. I see nothing !nothing at all. There’s desertion. Complete desertion. I thought I was doing what was right. Can I change this? Can I change what had happened? Can I go back to you ? should I even try to ? can I look into your eyes again ? will I be able to? these questions haunt me. I cannot sleep. I have grown insomniac. You’re the only person I wish I could hold. Wish! I can only wish. I have never thought about spending the last days of my life alone. At least not without you. But it was me who has asked you to leave so I cannot escape the blame. And that is making it worse for me. Every day I come out of that place which I used to call home a few years ago, I feel a little alive.
That place haunts me. I know my words are futile today. There’s no life in them. and you have all the reasons to perceive it as a lie. I don’t know why I am writing this. Maybe writing all this will at least let me sleep peacefully. I don’t even know if you will read this or not. I don’t know will you ever come to know that I am no more .will you ever come back to this place. It was because of me that you left the city too. I thought I was doing it all right but little did I knew that I was slowly digging my own grave.
Flashback of the times that we have spent together is all I am left with today. I keep looking at your pictures on my phone and wish that if I could tell you how empty I am without you. Hindu mythology says that we come to this world seven times. I don’t know. This life without you was nothing less than dying each day. And if the hindu mythology is to be trusted, I wish that every life I get after this, I spend it in your shade. Its true, I am dying. And each day I am a step closer to it. Finally, it’s going to end. This pain is going to end. I will be free. I will be in a better place. I am not praying for forgiveness.