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9 shares, 29 points

I knew it…Someday, you would want to make me your “Forever”…I knew it…And that was why I never allowed you to kiss me, never let you fall for me completely, held myself strong in my senses as much as I could so that I never fall for you…Me and the relationships of “forever” are ways apart…I know, whoever I will touch will dissolve into nothingness…I knew my hopes are too fragile now and you’re the only strong hope in my bleak life…I knew the darkness in me can never be mended…instead, it would dissolve you too and that was why I shoved you hard everytime you tried to hold me, everytime you tried to wipe the frozen tears out of my eyes, every time you tried to kiss my trembling palms…Behind me, there is one long journey of love and separation…And that is enough to hold all my beautiful presents to melt into futures…The story is enough to hold me back from even mingling with myself and I knew it…It will engulf you too…As the two of us are standing in front of each other, we have so many things to say; Things that knows a way from our hearts to our tounges but could never find a way from our tounges to our lips …things, which we feel even more than we feel ourselves…Things, that gives us the courage to live another day happily thinking, in the next, we will be together…And slowly these days pass into months and then these months will evaporate into years …To Never come back … You ask me every day that why can’t I love you? Why can’t I caress you if? Why am I so afraid of falling in love? Your questions are very innocent…Just the way you are…I always smile at your questions and look at your face when you ask them … I wish I could tell you that nobody has ever wanted me the way you do … I wish I could tell you that I want to fall in love with you so badly but… The glimpses of my past are so strong that they will never let me fall for you … They will never allow me to kiss you, to be kissed by you, to let me lose my senses to you because they know that the minute I will regain my senses, I will regret it… Your love is more than life for me and I don’t want to make it a “regret”…So, I held myself back from everything that will make your “love” a regret of a lifetime for me…
Your love is heaven…I can always dream of it but cannot have it…The only way I can have it is by losing this life here…

On some days, I sit in my armchair and think about you…Peer into the soothing nature in front of me and think of you even more deeply…should I call you a raindrop? Or the shade of a tree? Or that Beautiful rose flower at the end of my backyard? The next moment I smile and realise that I cannot sum you up in anything…You’re way more than my minuscule imagination can hold…It’s such an ironical feeling…I want to be loved, I want to forget everything and fall for you…But then a part of me is so afraid of being shattered one more time…I have gained this little strength after losing a lot in life…
Filled up to to the brim with the thoughts of you, I want to accept you!!! But the fear of losing you is stronger than my “wants”…
In this journey of acceptance and fears, I lose a part of me every day…


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