It is said “Love is a Gamble”, but I would say that “Life is a Gamble !”
Life will make you do things you have never thought about. It will create situations you never thought you will have to deal with. It will put you under pressures which you probably had never anticipated in your life.
It will start to scatter around you into numerous peices. Peices, which are known to you ; Pieces, you have no clue about. Thus, solving the jigsaw of your life will become very difficult as compared to the puzzles we used to play with when we were too tiny to understand things. Your struggles will fail, your efforts will all go in vain. Whatever you strategize will bounce back and your falls will become nasty. You would feel as if there is no end to your struggles. That everytime you start something, something else pulls you back.
The rides will become bumpy and ruthless. And let me just remind you that this is not a motivational lecture. Not at all. This is something I’m going through. When there is no space for even weeping. There’s no confiding place, no cave you can hide in. Nothing. I’m not someone who’s planning to write a biography highlighting all the lows of my life. I am just as ordinary as you. My struggles are similar to yours in some way or the other. Infact I don’t even see a light at the end of the tunnel. There’s no hope that I would ever be able to move out from this mess which is my life right now.
Every bond, every relationship that I share with anybody today is meaningless. In the past few years, I am on the downfall. The track is endlessly hazy and there is no hand I can hold on to. The journey is as alone as the sky !
What makes me go on is my imagination ! The fantasies of a better tomorrow, the dreams that I see with open eyes. Music, sunrises, nature and the hymns of my heart … This is what makes me go on. The beauty that I see in my own eyes irrespective of how ugly this world may be, that is what keeps me going on.
I know things will not make sense, there is no power religious faith can bring me with. Nothing is potentially so strong to affect my heart. The solitude inside me is my silence outside. And I have certainly made a way with it. I have learnt to deal with the emptiness. But I still feel that some day my imagination will come true. That all my fantasies about a beautiful tomorrow will not go in vain. That my life will someday be a bliss. That there will be roses after thorns, there will be trust after so many trust falls ! This all might sound a beautiful story but it is what it is.
It can be absurd, it might be cliche, it could even be annoying ! But this is my life. And I have a way with it. I know It is not agreeing to my wishes and dreams today, but may be today, might be tomorrow or perhaps after 10-20 years ahead, it will listen to me. And I will make sure that it listens to me. If you have to reach somewhere, one thing which will sail you through is your stubbornness.
Stubbornness towards what you think and what you do. Do it every single day, every single night without a skip.
After all, Fantasies are not just bedtime stories … There’s a meaning to everything … :’)