“Why are you so scared? Please don’t be! I’m not going to eat you. Listen, I’ll tell you something. We, humans, are stupid and coward. Be it anything in life, but the first emotion that strikes us is fear. Fear of what? Obviously, of losing something right ?? Losing what !? Losing your home, your job and especially in your case, losing the one you love !! Tell me one thing!
Did you bring all this with you? Isn’t it something we have “acquired” here in this world? Similarly, this “fear” is also something which we have learnt here only. A one or two days the old child is fearless. Kids in general, in their entire childhood, are fearless. That’s how you should be !! You know we all seek equilibrium. Good education, settled job, perfect love life, Loving parents to support, some crazy friends to have fun with. Isn’t it something too picture perfect and in static equilibrium? No variety at all! Personally, to me, equilibrium is a state which gives you a sense of bored satisfaction with your life and you eventually stop working hard towards it. Remember one thing, life is all about calculated risks.
If you’ll not take risks, you’re never gonna get anything in life ! In life, Never be in Static Equilibrium. Even if you want to be, be in Dynamic Equilibrium instead. Static Equilibrium is death. “Mare hue ki Zindagi
In fact, I have never felt this way before for anybody. These chirpy birds in the sky, the moving breeze of January morning after it had rained all night, the tiny water drizzle on your face when you don’t know the exact direction it’s coming from, everything seems new to me. As if I have never been to this place before. Along with a change in my mind, his voice is ringing melodies in my ears. The way he laughed and made fun of me, the way he says things to motivate me and the way he says “HAVE FAITH IN ME! IM HERE WITH YOU”. While in this modern world, it’s impossible to judge whether someone is genuine or not, there are some people who do not require that judgement. They are far beyond any limitations in the name of Modernness. As I am talking to him I know he is not here to leave. He’s here to stay. After a long sleepless night preceded by a hectic day, I have never felt so fresh. I look at my face in the mobile screen and flip my hair to the side parallel to the direction of the wind and as I do that I found all of my hair to cover my face even worse. I click a picture of me and send it to him. My heartbeats aroused as I wait for his reaction. He opened his WhatsApp and immediately the ticks turned blue. In this technology freak world, that’s the ultimate happiness. He sent me his favourite monkey smiley which tells me that he is blushing. Well, I want to tell him that I am blushing too but I won’t. For some reasons, my green sweater felt cosy today.
From the cliff of the terrace I want to shout his name and tell him that I love him. But I won’t. Although confessing my feelings to anybody was never a big deal for me as I am a very outspoken person but this time I will not say it. Rather, I chose to keep shut. I’ll keep things inside my heart. I’ll write all of my feelings and every little emotion in my diary so that one day when I will have him all for Myself, one day when the time will come, I’ll tell him everything. Those little moments that he have inscribed on my heart when he was talking to my mom and asking about my family, when one day I disconnected the call and he knew that I did it because I was missing my dad ; I’ll tell him everything.
Perhaps Someday, while we would be sitting in the balcony outside our room, cuddled into each other at 4 am and our kids would be sleeping inside, I will tell him how I felt about him years ago. And I know he would still be interested in listening to my stories as he do now.
I know I’m dreaming way too much but atleast I can dream right !! Even if my dreams won’t reach a destination, I will not be guilty of not having them because of my fear. After all, Life is all about risks and being in DYNAMIC EQUILIBRIUM !