8 shares, 34 points

Dear Dad,

Just like a routine, today was a normal day with normal happenings. But I woke up with an ache! The ache of losing you. It’s been hundreds of days since you left but let me tell you the wound is still fresh in me. After you, I have suffered each day just to come to terms with reality. The reality, which says that I no longer have you. This reality becomes even more painful each passing day, just like a cut on your heart which never got the chance to be healed. Your dearth kills me. You know, Nani says that you should cry loudly whenever you feel like crying and eventually, you’ll feel light. As if all the burden you have have been lifted off your shoulders, and your heart becomes light. Strangely, even after so many happenings in my life lately, I could never do that. And perhaps that’s the reason I am still not out of it …

It’s true that my life has not stopped, neither have I stopped laughing. I do laugh, I do have conversations, I do every single thing which is necessary for survival. But I don’t have peace …

The pain of losing a parent is eternal. Whoever says you won’t feel it after some time, lied.

I miss you everywhere. I miss you when someone mentions their fathers when someone tells me that they had a great time going out with their Dads when someone tells me that their Dad calls them by names. I miss you every morning when my alarm rings. There used to be a time when I didn’t need an alarm! I used to snooze you on calls and you would call me every 15 mins to check on me whether I am awake or not.

I miss you when I think of all the future endeavors I have to undertake without you if I continue to live. Even though I am not really into marriage thing because I know this marriage business is not for me. But still, thinking of a marriage where you won’t be on there to make the arrangements, to tease me with his name, to make me buy my favorite lehenga but more than anything, you won’t be there to keep your hand on my head when I’d leave. A marriage without you would be a curse to me …

Dad, the events happening lately in our lives are more than threatening! We lost Nana Abbu. The family is in pieces, trying not to be staggered at this very time and here I am, trying to figure out my place in all this. Here I am, trying to write all this to you so that I can cry and snap out of it.

Here I am, trying too hard to cry but the pain is too deep to be comprehended by the tears.

When I woke up today, I woke up with the memories of the last year and that is the reason it’s hurting … And it’s hurting a lot.

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8 shares, 34 points

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